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New High Intensity Focused Ultrasound Minimally-Invasive Treatment for Prostate Cancer Pioneered by Dr. Michael Lazar Soon to Be Approved by FDA for Use in the U.S.


SANTA ROSA, California (PRWEB) February 23, 2014

HIFU technology achieves pinpoint accuracy using an acoustic scalpel that destroys prostate cancer, while sparing healthy tissue and preserving nerves, urine flow and erectile function in a majority of cases compared with traditional procedures.

U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approval of HIFU is expected following a study involving 100 men with prostate cancer recurrence after radiation. HIFU is eradicating cancer in 70 to 72 percent of these cases, compared with cryosurgery (freezing) that historically cures about 40 percent. HIFU success rates are higher in men with previously untreated cancer. The next step will be to seek a U.S. extension of the new HIFU process to non-radiation patients.

Twenty years ago I attended a lecture sponsored by the American Urological Association telling us that HIFU would be the future for our profession. Now we are on the brink of seeing this procedure accepted, said Dr. Lazar, an adult and pediatric urology specialist with Northern California Medical Associates, and principal of California HIFU with offices located at 1140 Sonoma Avenue, Suite A, in Santa Rosa.

Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in American men behind lung cancer. The American Cancer Society estimated that about 238,590 new cases of prostate cancer would be diagnosed in 2013 and about 29,720 men would die of this disease. Approximately one man in six will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during his lifetime, and one in 36 will die as a result. Prostate cancer is rare before age 40. The average age at the time of diagnosis is about 67.

The oncological results for HIFU are broadly comparable to radical surgery or radiation but the side effects are less, especially with regard to incontinence and erectile dysfunction. There is almost no pain or blood loss. The treatment is quick and virtually painless following spinal or general anesthesia that wears off in just a few hours, Dr. Lazar said. If the procedure is performed in the morning, a patient is typically up and around by dinnertime and can often return to normal activity within a few days without the use of pain killers.

HIFU 2-2-2-2

Temple Smith, one of Dr. Lazars patients, knew that prostate cancer ran in his family. His uncle died of it and his twin brother also had it. His brother underwent a prostatectomy that kept him in bed three to four days, and today he is incontinent.

When I was diagnosed with prostate cancer, I had the HIFU procedure. Last October marked my fifth anniversary after having this treatment and there has been no cancer recurrence. If you have prostate cancer and the resources to get the HIFU treatment get it done, Mr. Smith said.

According to Dr. Lazar, HIFU is the only non-radiation technology that requires no direct contact with the target organ while accurately zeroing-in on selected portions or destroying the entire gland. No other form of treatment gives a surgeon such precise control without damaging surrounding tissue aided by simultaneous ultrasound visual tracking.

Other prostate cancer treatment options include radical surgery, radiation, hormonal and chemo/immunotherapy. Besides the usual risks of incontinence and erectile dysfunction, radiation can cause chromosomal changes that result in cancer of the bladder and rectum.

Dr. Lazar has performed approximately 100 successful HIFH procedures on patients who volunteer to fly south of the border. Most months for the past seven years I have traveled to Puerto Vallarta for a long weekend of outpatient procedures at a U.S. Joint Commission approved bilingual hospital. I also serve as an HIFU instructor, am one of three FDA study proctors and have aided other doctors who have treated over 200 patients to date.

In the Western Hemisphere, the HIFU procedure is also conducted in Bermuda, Canada, Cancun and Nassau. Some 15 years of data have been compiled from Japan, 10-12 years from the UK/Germany/Italy, and nine years from Canada focusing on the HIFU procedure and results.

Another patient of Dr. Lazar is San Francisco business owner Harlow Plimpton, who had the HIFU procedure in 2011. Before the therapy my PSA level was between 6 and 7. Following the treatment my PSA dropped to 0.1. I did not experience any side effects or incontinence. I went to the Puerto Vallarta clinic at 7:30 a.m. and walked out three to four hours later to tour the city. The doctors offered me Cialis and Viagra, but I didnt need it. Since then Ive been looking for a downside, but frankly, I havent found any.

The HIFU procedure costs approximately $ 25,000, compared with robotic prostatectomy and some forms of radiation therapy that can range in cost from $ 40,000 to $ 60,000. While a few U.S. insurance companies have covered HIFU, coverage is sporadic at this time.

Within the U.S., the American Medical Association creates Current Procedural Terminology codes (CPT) for doctors to use for billing and insurance purposes. As yet, no CPT code has been established for HIFU. Meanwhile I tell my patients the cost is like buying a car, and many take out a home equity loan which may be tax deductible,” Dr. Lazar said.

Dr. Lazar has been certified by SonaCare Medical, LLC, a global leader in minimally invasive HIFU technologies, based in Charlotte, North Carolina. SonaCare Medical, through its subsidiary Focus Surgery, Inc., of Indianapolis, manufactures HIFU systems, such as Sonablate

Car Insurance for Teenaged Drivers Doesn’t Need to be Expensive

When you’re youthful, one of the most exciting things to look ahead to is the day you get your driver’s licence. Several teenagers look forward to possessing their first automobile and having more liberty than they did in the past. Their minds are thinking about the locations they’ll go and friends they’ll see, but as a parent, your mind is probably thinking about the risks and disbursement of having a teenaged motorist.

Unfortunately, teenagers are mathematically the most likely generation to find yourself in an accident. Due to this, insurance providers bill teenaged motorists the most when it comes to vehicle insurance. Thus they need to charge high-risk drivers more for insurance to insure the higher chance that they will be paying claims.

Discount Car Insurance for Teens

Although auto insurance for adolescents is expensive and your young kid taking the wheel can be anxiety-provoking, the good thing is it gets better over period. Meanwhile, doing everything you can to lower their insurance premium will save you and your adolescent cash each month and make their summer job dollars stretch further. Tips from Compare-Insurers.com

Even though a teen-aged driver may definitely add an extra expense to your monthly funds, as well as their insurance will likely constantly be greater than an grown-ups, there are still some things you can do to bring down these prices. So go through this list supplied as a cortesy from our partner http://compare-insurers.com

- Sort of car – purchasing a reasonable, trustworthy, secure automobile to your teenager could save cash. If you’re able to, upgrade the automobile with the latest safety and security characteristics.

- comparison-shop – shop online and also locate as many car insurance estimates as possible. This provides you the best opportunity at locating a good deal and maximizing your price reductions.

- Reductions – there are an array of reductions readily available for teen aged motorists like great student, low-mileage, motorist’s education class discount, being apart at school with no auto, multi-auto, and multi-coverage reductions amongst others.

Car Insurance for Teenaged Drivers Doesn’t Need to be Expensive

When you are youthful, among the most fascinating issues to look forward to is the evening you get your driver licence. Several teens look forward to possessing their first auto and having more liberty than they did in the past. Their thoughts are thinking about the locations they’ll go and buddies they’ll see, but as a parent, your head is probably thinking about the dangers and disbursement of having a teenaged motorist.

Regrettably, teenagers are statistically the most likely generation to find yourself in an accident. It is because they have less experience on the road, less whim control, more of a feeling that it “can not occur to them’, more distractions, and they sometimes do not make the finest choices. As a result of this, insurance firms bill teenaged drivers the most when it comes to automobile insurance. Consequently they need to bill high-risk motorists more for insurance to cover the higher chance that they’ll be paying claims.

Discount Automobile Insurance for Teenagers

Even though a teen-aged driver may surely add an extra cost to your monthly funding, and their insurance will likely constantly be greater than an grown-ups, there are still a few things you can do to create down these costs. Therefore go through this listing provided as a cortesy from our partner http://examine-insurers.com

- Kind of auto – purchasing a reasonable, trustworthy, safe automobile to your teenager could save money. Avoid sportscars and other automobiles that are more likely to be involved in an accident, stolen, or vandalized. When you can, update the car with the latest safety and security characteristics.

- Comparison shop – store online and locate as many car insurance estimates as you can. This gives you the best chance at locating a good deal and maximizing your reductions.

- Reductions – there are a myriad of discounts readily available for teen aged motorists for example great pupil, low mpg, motorist’s education class discount, being apart at school without a auto, multi-car, and multiple-policy reductions amongst the others.

Even though automobile insurance for teens is pricey and your youthful child getting the wheel might be anxiety-provoking, the good news is it gets better over time. With time and expertise your teen will hopefully become a assured, safe driver, and his or her insurance rates will eventually come down to reflect this. Information from Compare-Insurers.com

Big Mountain Drugs Offers Discount Coupon and Safety Tips in Regarding to Prescription Medication


Vancouver, BC (PRWEB) April 28, 2012

Big Mountain Drugs is helping the green movement this week by offering a prescription drug coupon for everyone who recycles their unused prescriptions. The coupon code is valid for fifteen dollars off of any prescription, and is available for a week only. All new customers can use the coupon code rx15 to receive the discount on their medications. This coupon is particularly useful for customers who buy Lipitor, Advair, Plavix, and other daily prescription medications.

Multiple towns in Louisiana are providing special drop zones for customers to safely dispose of their unused prescription and over the counter medications. When unused medications expire, patients often flush them down the toilet, or dispose of them with their household garbage. What many people do not realize is that the flushed medications can enter the water system. There, they can be ingested by plants and animals, or taint the ground water supply. Be sure to safely dispose of your medications in the proper locations, just like a refrigerator or computer disposal. From there, you can buy your prescriptions with the confidence that you are not unduly affecting your environment.

With the constant turnover in your medicine cabinet, you may be noticing a financial burden. However, there are many ways to save on your medications. Buying generic medications is one of the best ways to save money on your prescriptions purchases. A generic is a medication that has an expired patent. Generic alternatives to expensive brand name medications such as generic Plavix and Lipitor are chemically and therapeutically the same as the brand-name original, but cost significantly less, as the manufacturer does not have to recoup expensive marketing, research, and development costs. Remember to also use coupons wherever possible. Buying online offers many more buying options, such as generic or brand name, or the availability of coupons.

Big Mountain Drugs, an online pharmacy based out of Vancouver, British Columbia, offers certified Canadian pharmacy care at lowered prices. Their mission is to provide safe and reliable medications to their customers. The Canadian pharmacy also partners with sites such as http://www.colchicine.ca/ to provide the most up-to-date information on gout treatment and medications; both brand Cocrys and generic Colchicine. Big Mountain Drugs offers well-known brand-name and generic medications such as generic Crestor, Motilium, Seroquel and Viagra. Big Mountain Drugs specializes in speedy, secure prescription deliveries right to you. They accept prescription and over the counter orders through fax, online orders, and over the phone. The Canadian drugs pharmacy is proud to offer their telephone service in multiple languages. Big Mountain Drugs is fully certified by PharmacyChecker.com, and is a member of the Canadian International Pharmacy Association (CIPA).







The Ranch Treatment Center Hosts Open House in Honor of its 15th Anniversary


Nunnelly, TN (PRWEB) March 26, 2014

On April 4, 2014, The Ranch treatment center in Tennessee will celebrate its 15th anniversary with an open house featuring exhibits, food, live music, job information and a close-up look at its state-of-the-art facilities on a working horse and cattle ranch in the rolling hills of Nunnelly, Tenn.

Founded in 1999 with just 10 beds in one building, today the campus has more than a dozen buildings, with another on the way, and more than 100 beds. The Ranch offers gender-specific residential programs with a primary focus on emotional trauma, as well as conditions that frequently accompany trauma, such as chemical dependency, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, and sex addiction and intimacy disorders. It also features experiential therapies, such as equine and adventure therapy.

Weve come a long way from the little mom and pop operation we started with, said Cheryl Brown, The Ranchs Director of Marketing/Outreach.

Dede Beasley, M.Ed, an equine-assisted psychotherapist at The Ranch, was there at the beginning when the center had just a few horses and equine therapy was a new idea.

Initially, I was just having people groom and lead the horses, she said, and I realized that what I saw between people and horses was similar to what happens between people.

Over the years she incorporated a variety of creative therapeutic interventions into the program as she found more and more ways that working with horses offered a common language for working on trust, attachment and boundary issues. Today, The Ranch has 18 horses and a 30-year-old donkey named Albert, one of the original four-footed founders.

Dawn Zurlinden, LCSW, was also at The Ranch in the early days.

Its amazing how much The Ranch has grown, said Zurlinden, who draws on experiential techniques as well as EMDR and brainspotting (advanced forms of therapy that involve eye movement) for deep trauma therapy. The Ranch was considered a model program even in the early years, and that was when we didnt have an eating disorders program or formal sex addiction program or state-of-the-art detox facility. Today theres so much more.

As for the programs 15th anniversary, she said, I celebrate it. Were serving a lot more clients in so many more ways.

About The Ranch

Since 1999, The Ranch has provided comprehensive therapeutic programs that treat the underlying causes of eating disorders, addictions and other self-defeating behaviors. The Ranch offers innovative therapies to address the multidimensional aspects of the whole person while teaching personal accountability in a safe, nurturing, real-life environment. Located on a working horse ranch in the beautiful rolling hills of Nunnelly, Tennessee, The Ranch offers programs with a variable length of stay, which allows each client to anchor new recovery behaviors needed for lasting change. For more information about The Ranch, call (855) 893-5987 or visit http://www.recoveryranch.com.

The Ranch is part of Elements Behavioral Health, a family of behavioral health care programs that also includes Promises Treatment Centers, The Sexual Recovery Institute, The Recovery Place, Right Step, Journey Healing Centers, Lucida Treatment Center and Clarity Way. Elements offers comprehensive, innovative treatment for substance abuse, sexual addiction, trauma, eating disorders and other mental health disorders. We are committed to delivering clinically sophisticated treatment that promotes permanent lifestyle change, not only for the patient but for the entire family system. For more information about Elements Behavioral Health, visit http://www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com.







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Don’t trust car dealers when it comes to insurance

The offer may appear quite attractive: taking away the new car you have been seeking for so extended in the car dealer together with an adequate insurance coverage. A one-stop shopping solution all of US adore so much. Nonetheless, insurance specialists alert against buying auto insurance straight in the auto dealer, saying that it’s a definite solution to end up over paying a good deal in the long run also if the provide looks so attractive in writing. Therefore, if you’re thinking about purchasing a brand new automobile in the long run, here’s a small logic behind why it’s easier to get your car insurance estimates alone and in progress as opposed to choosing the coverage straight in the dealer.

To start with, the supplier may consistently possess a higher cost on insurance, that’s a given truth. Also if they are going to tell you it’s the most competitive offer on the market it isn’t. Auto dealers consistently include up a part of the base price to what they will charge a fee for the policy, otherwise there is no actual sense attempting to sell the coverage at the car dealer. Positive, the growth might be minor and usually depends upon how ethical the dealer is as well as how they benefit their reputation. But you still will save yourself some cash by purchasing the policy in advance or following the buy.

If you’re funding your vehicle, obtaining the insurance independently may appear a bit problematic. The catch is that you’re not allowed to drive off the parking lot in your new auto unless it has some insurance. Moreover, the lending business will constantly require you to buy totally all-inclusive insurance, that will surely price a great deal. Thus how would you go in this situation? There are many choices. To start with, you can get your auto insurance quotes ahead of time and enter the dealership with a genuine plan on your palms. This alternative is better implemented when you know exactly the product you’re likely to buy and have done your comparison shopping ahead of time. If not and you are still unsure which car you’re buying now, consider the choice of having your auto insurance quotes over the phone or internet when you make up your brain at the seller’s office. Your application may be processed within minutes and you’re going to have the ability to drive-off the dealership having a valid coverage and a brand new car.

Purchasing a brand new car with own cash is simpler with regard to insurance, since you consider full responsibility of the vehicle once you pay for it. So that you never desire a coverage to simply take the auto dwelling. However, it is easier to have it insured in advance to prevent any bad luck following the purchase. There are too many narratives of totaled automobiles that never really made it to the user’s storage and never had insurance to cover losing. You don’t desire to turn into 1 particular narratives.

Remember, however enticing and competitive the insurance provide may be at your dealer simply don’t fall because of it. There’ll be described as a fine print which is missed or additional protection options that you do not really need. Sure, it is more convenient to buy policy contract this way but you’ll consistently wind up paying significantly more than you generally might. Therefore prepare in progress, get your car insurance quotes first with the support of compareinsuranceoptions.net and prevent purchasing any insurance from your car seller.

Using Levitra the right way

Erectile dysfunction or impotence is poor information for guys’s sexual practice. Sex activity is what makes men the most joyful. They love being intimate with girls. Some love being personal with distinct women and also the element of feeling is essential to them. They want women to consider them perfect lovers as it stretches their ego to amazing dimensions. Sometimes it is essential to set them back to earth but erectile dysfunction and sexual difficulties is a very cruel manner of doing it. No one can actually halt himself from having sexual disabilities. Of course, if your lifestyle is pressure-free plus you don’t smoke or eat alcoholic beverage you have less chances of becoming intimately destroyed. But also this will not conserve you or provide you warrantees. You only have to consider your-self very fortunate notably if you’re over 65.

Erection dysfunction won’t let you laugh around. There are particular periods of time then it’s possible to get help and get the issue repaired. In case you lost this chance, we can only just state one point – too detrimental to you personally. What exactly does a regular remedy comprise? What can it comprise of? It’s contingent in the problem. Normally guies move for appointed pills but some demand on an operation. There are some herbal remedy variations but males aren’t actually convinced it operates in the short time period therefore this idea is decreased usually.

Drugs for erection dysfunction issue remedy can be found anyplace. From websites to specialized novels which work as educators in order to notify and update. Medical services are the most outstanding variant for men as they get to really have a encounter-to-face dialog together with the physician. It’s essential that you simply make a vital therapy choice with somebody who can advice and advise you. You do not have to be scared of anything – your physician can be your pal so truthfulness is the thing that makes the therapy plan for successful.

When to seek a great erection dysfunction therapy many experts may tell you about Levitra. What’s Vardenafil? It’s A medication that’s used in the treatment of ed or significance. It is a PDE5 inhibitor that is very popular in the world today. As a Result Of its recognition the patients on the drug treatment have become more confident and ceased fearing public view. The sex malfunction dilemma has united lots of men that are not scared to confess they aren’t able to assist themselves together with the difficulty and that totally depend and trust a drug to help them with erection.

That you don’t actually have to queue for the medications at the drug store no more. Each and every evening you are only one-click apart from having it shipped to your home with all the comforts you need. You may apply for an internet consultation which is usually cost-free, visit levitraguidance.com. Occasionally a price reduction is provided at the same time.

As with all medications, Vardenafil is just not without possible side effects. The common unwanted effects seen in clinical studies were upset stomach and head ache. However you can prevent it should you behave your self together with the therapy and just consume the appointed dosage. The medication will be a ideal salvation for everybody that’s willing to treat themself in compliance with the physician’s prescription. You may see how a remedy may help you. You will be significantly more than pleased with your Vardenafil.

It Happened


I bet you thought I was here to tell you I met someone. Sorry. Contain your excitement.

My worst nightmare happened.

No, not the one where my teeth fall out while I am taking a test that I didn’t study for and accidentally showed up naked for..

It’s that horrific real-life tale of horror on dating sites. You know the one.. the one where I’m checking my messages on a dating site and find that one of my students has sent me a message because they recognized me.

Relax…It’s less creepy than that sentence sounds in that I work at a university and most of the students I work with are well over 18 and a good number are older than I am.

Don’t relax too much though. It’s more creepy because it’s a student that a colleague and I always kept on a list titled “If something happens to me, this person will know where my body is.” The list is relatively short but important. I know that we’re usually half joking but this guy was a real piece of work and his batshit crazy eyes in real life come across VERY REALISTICALLY AND TRUTHFULLY in his dating profile picture.

In other news, I’ve pretty much decided that the overall system of rating individuals based on how much they have in common generally works on these sites because he messaged me despite the fact that we are 76% incompatible. It’s not just in my imagination, ya’ll. He really is too crazy for me.

This whole dating thing needs to move on and be over because I feel like this can only happen more the older I get.

I have to decide if it’s better to acknowledge the message and politely move on or just delete it and pretend like it never happened.

Ugh.

Put On The Red Light


To say that it started with the South Carolina game would be wrong. This chapter started with the South Carolina game, but not the entire book.

So this chapter picks up with me minding my own business on my day off in October, planning to leave for a little Dixieland delight weekend to see Tennessee play South Carolina. I was watching an episode of Gangland and doing the wash. And my phone rang to show this:

jerk face

 

I screen capped it because.. only I could manage to save someone’s number as “Jerk Face” and forget it was in my phone. For two seconds I couldn’t recall who might be known as Jerk Face. But realistically.. you all know who Jerk Face is, right?

Right. Friend. Not just any friend, The Friend. I should have declined. I should have hit the red button and just said “Never again.” but I didn’t. And I don’t know why. Sometimes there are questions in our lives that will never have answers. So many times with him I have wished to go back and hit a red reset button and stop everything that happened. But I can’t. I couldn’t then and I can’t now.

So I gave this thing the green light by pressing “answer” and saying hello. I invited mayhem into my life again. Come in, sit down, how’ve you been?

I tried all my old tricks of pretending not to know the number. “The is The Blonde,” I answered. “I know who I called. And you know who this is,” he almost growled into the phone. But not an agressive growl. One of ownership.

“What are you doing?” I asked the question meaning “Right now, in general, for the last year, anything” but only got the immediate answer. “Loading the dishwasher.”

And so it began, that dance that we do. I was rusty on the steps because I thought I wouldn’t have to know them anymore. One, and two, and three How-are-you and how-is-your-family and don’t-ask-anything-personal and always-be-funny, two-three four. Five, six, five, six, seven, eight.

We small talked for fifteen minutes before he cut to the chase. “Listen, I have tickets to the game tomorrow and nobody to go with. Are you going?”

My pulse quickened and I started to sweat. I opened my mouth to speak and nothing came out. I knew the answer was supposed to be no-thank-you. I cleared my throat.

“Well are you or aren’t you?”

Am I? Am I what? Am I totally susceptible to your wicked ways and powerless against even a few words after so long?

“Yes, I am.”

“Then you’re coming with me and you’re sitting with me.”

The details were worked out, the meeting place established, and like that, it was all in my head again.

The details of the game are inconsequential. We met outside town, he drove me and my companion in, we sat together, and the game ended. Maybe the only thing of note is that Tennessee was driving down the field with less than a minute to go in the fourth quarter for the win, and the quarterback was sacked about five yards from the goal line. He was two steps away from getting away from the defender. But it caught up with him and he fumbled the chance. It was fun while it lasted.

After the game nothing changed. I went back to my car, went back home, went back to normal life. I didn’t hear from The Friend again until two weeks later, following a miserable home game loss to Missouri. I was sure that the coach would be fired. I cried all the way back to the car. I tried to distract myself by messaging The Boyfriend to talk about the miserable loss. But he wasn’t available to console my broken football heart, so I went to the grocery store. And while I was there, what comes up on my phone again but that Jerk Face label. Funny, I didn’t change it.

“They’re going to fire him.” I wailed into the phone, probably too dramatic for the situation, but it felt painful at the time.

“They are. And they have to. But I will take you to dinner.”

And in thirty minutes we were eating cheeseburgers and laughing at Bama losing to Texas A&M and making eyes across a table in a public place. When we split the German chocolate slice I knew I was in. And as I fumbled my keys in the dark I knew I should hit the red button but I couldn’t.

The next morning I resisted the urge to text my usual “had a wonderful time, don’t be a stranger” text because it never works. But to my surprise he texted me. And continued to text me, first, every day for three weeks. Early mornings, late nights, holiday, weekends. There were inside jokes, pictures, smileys. It was like old times. And I let it go on because I can’t push the red button.

And then one day it was over. As quickly as it started. He texted me a picture and then poof he stopped responding to me.

So here I am sitting in my office, unable to concentrate on my real life, because once again.. I’ve done something that I’m not even able to identify. Nothing I did yesterday was any different from what I did the day before, or the two days before that.

This is the problem with existing at someone’s whim. You never know what you’re doing and if it’s okay or if it’s wrong. You never know if the joke you tell is going to be what sends someone running, or if sending a smiley face is going to be the end of everything.

The thing is, it isn’t. It isn’t anything I do, other than existing. It’s a problem that I exist. Because I am a distraction from his reality, because I am a temptress from what is good. So even if there was nothing wrong with what I wrote back, it’s all up to his whim. Everything has always been on his terms.

I figure the options are pretty much as follows: he lost his phone/fell off a cliff/whatever else makes me sleep better at night, he enjoys making me miserable (probable), he feels guilty and/or got caught by his wife (likely).

These things used to wreck me for months. I would be distraught and unable to work, eat, or sleep. And I would drool like Pavlov’s dog when I heard my phone buzz (and even when I didn’t..the phantom iPhone vibration is the worst). But I am determined not to let this wreck me for long than a day. I deleted the number entirely, and that’s great because I didn’t give myself time to remember it.

I know that the choice will come again, that I will have to choose between red and green, good and evil, mentally healthy and unhealthy. There is no use beating myself up for this choice. I will just make the right choice next time.

Hi.

 

Help A Sister Out

Posted on

Hey ya’ll.

This is not a typical post. This is a plea for help from a friend of mine. It’s relationship related, so I feel it’s okay to bring it up here!

My friend has a problem–a nasty break up has left her feeling heart-sick and she has texted the boy a few times to no avail. My first thought was “stop, you’ll look like me!” (see example: Image)

Too late, already there she says. At a certain point too many texts in a row start to pile up.

My suggestion to her was to write down the texts, think about it a day, and then determine if she really wants to send it. I also suggested deleting the number and restoring your phone so you can’t recover it. That worked for me once.

I feel her pain. I think texting is so tempting post-break up. Calling seems like a huge undertaking. I mean, there’s a 50% chance they might pick up the phone. Texting seems innocuous enough that you can send one or two without it being too extreme on the bad ex-girlfriend scale. (Trust me when I say that The Boyfriend will vouch that texting was the least of my problems on that scale. Eek). Texting, in my opinion, is prevalent in a break up where calling may not be.

Anyway, I need suggestions beyond my solutions. It seems silly but that’s the best I’ve got. I am absolutely no pro at abstaining from contact (I submit that previous screen shot as proof). I need your input here…what’s your suggestion?

I know many of you read but few of you comment. Be loud this time! Have you figured out the secret? Is there no way around it? Tell Brunette it’s not abnormal. Tell her there’s a solution.

Thanks ya’ll.

Now And Then I Think Of All The Times You Screwed Me Over

Posted on

This Is It

Posted on

I am a good liar. In fact, I’m such a good liar that I will often lie to people about what a bad liar I am. It’s twisted and something that I figure only a therapist can work through. But for nearly two months I’ve been finding it harder and harder to lie about something in particular. Don’t worry, I’m still lying when I say I didn’t see your text, or that I have plans (I never have plans, I don’t even want to have plans anymore) and I’m definitely still lying when I say I’ve read the Terms of Service Agreement for anything I sign up for.

 

I just can’t lie to myself. I can’t keep telling myself that it’s all okay when it’s really not. For about six months or so after I moved out of the apartment with The Boyfriend (Jesus Christ I have to get another name for him) I had trouble making it through the drive to work or the drive home without tears welling up in my eyes. I think it was the immediate feelings of lonesomeness that drove me to cry. I was clinically depressed for various reasons, and when I finally learned to be comfortable in my skin it stopped. But for the past two months it’s crept in again. I find myself gripping the steering wheel too tightly, turning off the radio because I don’t want to hear another rendition of Call Me Maybe, and without even realizing it tears drip onto my cheeks out from under my sunglasses.

It’s usually over before I get home, but the other night I sat at the bar with Bosslady and finally managed to squeak out the words that I had avoided for four years. “What if this is all there is?”

I think Bosslady was confused because I put up a pretty good front most of the time. I am the life of the party and of the day-to-day. In fact, I swear to God that I invented YOLO. For so long I have been the girl who will stay out at any hour of any night, will be down for anything fun. And any time somebody might have the ‘audacity’ to ask me what I’m doing with my life, what I’m planning on doing in the future, and why I don’t have somebody in my life, I’ve been the very first person to tell you that 27 is too young for all that. It’s too young to be married, too young to have children, too young to be tied to a mortgage, and certainly too young to be worried if you don’t have these things. You can be old for a long time. You only have a limited amount of time to be young and wild.

I put up a brave fight and I have plenty of fun sayings to explain why I’m too fabulous to be tied down, but the truth is for the past couple of months I’ve really had the sinking feeling that maybe this is all I am–a good friend, a good daughter, a good employee. But not a good wife. Or a good mother.

“You’re too young to think that way”, she said, as I started to cry harder than I should have in a bar.

“Some people don’t get married, some people don’t have children.” I think that’s what I said, but I’m fairly certain neither of us really understood what I said. She made do with what she heard.

“Listen, you have to be certain that if this is all there is for you, and I don’t think that’s the case, but if it is, you have to sure that what you have is good. Are you okay if this is all there is?”

What I have is good. I have a job that I love. It pays my bills. My friends are great people, they really do enrich my life. And I love my family. But that’s not enough for me. There are things I want to experience in life. I want a partner, I want to have children. I want a family of my own.

And there is no material item, no vacation, no friend that can make it well with my soul if I it doesn’t happen for me. I could drive a Maserati and live in a gated community and have a toilet made of solid gold and it would not be well with my soul that I didn’t have a partner or child. And I’m beginning to think that may not happen.

So what now? What do I do when I know that nothing will make this good with my soul?

It takes a really messed up person to start doubting yourself and your ability to find a mate at 27. But that’s where I am.

The Friend is married, another guy wrote me the other day to tell me he’s getting married. Thanks for the heads-up. And The Boyfriend moved on pretty easily. Going to get married. Married, married, married.

And here I sit with this failure of a blog that has only really successfully detailed for you my inability to move on from these ‘tragedies’ that other people so easily have moved past. I mean, The Boyfriend and I are Facebook friends now and he actually sends me friendly messages–that’s how okay that whole thing is now. Why am I the one that ended up alone out of all these people I know? I know that’s a selfish way to look at it. But sometimes I feel selfish. Sometimes I would think all those boys would call me selfish. Sometimes? Most of the time.

The thing is…I thought I did all the heavy lifting. I thought I took the time to evaluate myself, make myself better, figure out what I wanted in life. I thought that I slowed down and that was the right thing. I thought out of all of us, I would be the healthiest because I was figuring out what went wrong. But maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just took all my momentum.

I don’t know. I just know that there are times of the day that I freeze and wonder if it’s really not going to happen for me.

You know what, I’m fine. I have plans. I’m too young to worry about this.

 

Why Are You Hiding Behind That Espresso Machine?

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I haven’t logged in to my FormSpring account in a while, so imagine my surprise when I noted that I actually had pending questions there. One of the first questions I noticed was something that I have had several hits for in Google searches this week. Since obviously you’re coming here for direction on this subject, poor person, let me tell you my thoughts…

 

Hi The Blonde.. Is Coffee Cheating?

Well hmm. First, let me just say that I am so sad to report that if you’re looking for someone with experience cheating, I’m your girl. I sincerely regret having an affair every single day of my existence for so many reasons. But maybe I can tell you the signs to look for so you can avoid my pitfall.

Of course, there are simple ways to know if it’s cheating. Maybe I’ll just list out some things you should ask yourself:

  • Did you meet this person on a dating site? Stop laughing! You would be surprised how many people Google the phrase “my husband has an OKCupid account”. If you are on a dating site, whether your relationship status says “in a relationship” or not and you meet someone for coffee, you’re clearly checking out the scene. You could be cheating.
  • Does your partner know? Have you explicitly said to your partner “I am meeting (this person) for coffee. I will be there at (this time) and will be home around (this time).” If you have, good for you. If you haven’t, you may be cheating. If you told them you’re meeting someone as a cover and are actually meeting someone else (whether you know the date or not, whether your partner knows the date or not!), you could be cheating. Also, just a side note, if you tell your partner you’re meeting ‘some people from work’ out for coffee and only the two of you show up.. and you knew that ahead of time.. guess what? You could be cheating. Trust me, in my experience nothing good ever came out of that situation. Sorry, He-Wh0-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Seriously, y’all, if you bend the truth about that meeting at all.. it’s not right.
  • Did you ask the person because you feel like you are unsure if you want to cheat or not? Your partner probably isn’t going to buy this one, but I can say it’s a possibility. But still, you could be cheating. That’s like playing ‘Just the Tip’. In my book, it counts.
  • What would you tell a third-party you saw out? Would you feel confident in an introduction? Would you hide behind a menu in a Chinese restaurant and try to sink into the floor and pray that your heartbeat pounding in your throat isn’t audible (not that I have done that..)? That makes a huge difference. If it’s coffee with a coworker and you’d still feel funny about it… you know the story.

These are just four questions that I ask myself when I’m assessing how I feel about meeting someone out. While there is no litmus test at all for “cheating” or measuring just how far is too far, I will say that my number one biggest red-flag is “Does it feel it wrong?” Does it feel like something you should hide, something you’d be sensitive about, something you wouldn’t tell your partner? If it does.. really, really think about your motivation for going. Think about how you’d feel if your partner found out. Whether its relief (uh that’s a huge hint) or shame (hello?!) whatever you find in that question could be a guide for the future. I’m not saying you shouldn’t meet that person for coffee. I’m just saying know what you’re getting in to. Maybe your coffee mate is something you want to pursue.

 

So think about it. And then call me because if it’s a toxic idea I’m almost always involved (sigh).

 

***DISCLAIMER: Every relationship is different, I am no expert, one woman’s accusation of cheating is another woman’s rosey-relationship, I’m not responsible for anything you do in your real life, don’t blame me, blah blah blah. I get it. This is just how I’d answer the question myself.

 

Here’s the fun part.. you get to tell me how wrong I am in the comments! Go!

Liberating Your Pleasure Wave And Other Philosophical Observations By OKCupid Users

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The good news is in between the last time I complained about OkCupid and today, I found the button to disable my profile. The bad news is that leaves me with very little fodder to feed you readers because all of my humorous stories originated from the misguided aim of Cupid’s arrow.

I’ve always felt a little guilty about taking specific examples from my OKCupid interactions and posting them because it DOES take guts to contact matches on dating websites. I rarely do it myself because it’s hard to put yourself out there, and I admire those of you who do it regularly! But for the love of everything holy, what are some of these people thinking?! Still, I like to think that despite the fact that I am a cold-hearted, cheating ex-Girlfriend I do have some compassion left in my heart. So I’ve held off sharing the specific instances that caused guffaws. Unless I actually met them in person. I don’t know why the rules changed then.

Lucky for you a good friend sent me a Buzzfeed link with 26 examples of absolutely horrible OKCupid combinations. Seems like the people at Buzzfeed are more willing to jump in the hand-basket destined for the home of ragged clothing and flames than I am. You should check this out– some are pictures, some are quotes, some are both. Please note the gentlemen that wants to liberate your pleasure wave. I’ll give you a 10 second headstart, ladies, otherwise he’s mine.

Since I did close down my OKCupid account I feel like I can share with you the message that caused me to throw my hands up and say “Why am I trying?” (and “What is wrong with my writing skills that this is what I’m attracting). It’s definitely not the worst I’ve gotten on there. I’ve gotten messages that would make 50 Shades of Gray fans blush– I think it’s the plight of a blonde lady to take disgusting messages on dating websites. I’ve gotten random questions (“What flavor of yogurt are you? I actually answered that one!) and friendly suggestions (thank you, gentleman who said I should take out the paragraph about my love of college football! you made me feel very good about myself). But this was the last straw, and I don’t know why:

 

But…what about unicorns?!

What about you readers? Do you like waterfalls, rainbows, and fields filled with flowers? Let me know, I might know somebody you should meet!

 

(One day I will stop being a bitch, okay?)

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